Ahh, good ole victim mentality. The mindset where absolutely nothing is your fault, and every single slice of dissatisfaction you have in your life is because of someone or something else.
Disclaimer: In this post, I’m not speaking of a victim in the literal sense…such as someone who is the victim of a crime or any other foul play. I’m speaking of victim mentality as a coping mechanism or habit of mind. Victim mentality, in this sense, is a way to avoid taking responsibility for your life choices.
So what’s the issue with victim mentality and how does it kill your vibe? Let us count the ways:
If you never take responsibility for your decisions and life outcomes, it’s hard to stay motivated. If you live each day as if life is simply happening to you, like you’re some sort of rag doll, why would you ever want to try to do anything? 🤷🏾♀️
Victim mentality leaves you absolutely no room to act in your own power, because you are using all of your power to blame someone else.
Victim mentality says, “I can’t do this, because they blah blah blah…”
I can’t get what I want, I can’t have the life I want because such and such won’t give me this.
I can’t make money because (insert another excuse). How can you take action if you truly believe this? You’re essentially cursing yourself when you speak this way. Even Iyanla can’t fix your life if you choose to remain a victim.
HIJACKS YOUR MIND
Victim mentality is alluring because it makes you feel like you’re justified in your suffering. When multiple victimhood minds get together, they have a complaint fest where they lament about how all of their problems are someone else’s fault. This vicious cycle of blaming can go on for an eternity, leaving you bound to your own cycle of mental misery.
Practical ways to defeat victimhood once and for all:
Assess your contributions to your life situations.
Whatever situation you find yourself in, where you want to blame someone else, ask yourself:
How did I contribute to this?
How did I contribute to my lack of money?
How did I contribute to the extra fat hanging off of my body?
How did I contribute to my shitty relationship?
How did I contribute to my low self esteem?
Once you know your contribution, you can clearly see where the work starts: WITH YOU.
Think more about what YOU CAN do, than what someone else can do.
You can’t control anyone. So there’s no point sitting around worrying about someone else’s actions. You came to this planet alone; you’ll leave alone. When you get the urge to blame someone else for your situation, brainstorm only about what YOU can do to make the situation better.
Master your Emotions.
This can help a ton with overcoming victim mentality. Emotional mastery has to do with identifying your own triggers, and learning to use emotions instead of be used by them. Emotions are simply messengers. At the end of the day, you decide what to do with the messages. Blaming someone else for what you do with your emotions is self-defeating. People are selfish and have their own emotions to care about; they don’t have time for yours too. Let go of the baggage. Try reading a book on emotional intelligence, therapy, or reading some of my posts on emotions. I plan on writing many more soon!
You can do it!
Check out my novel below: It follows Diane, a clout-chasing college girl who discovers a whole new realm of possibilities when she falls in love with a magician. What will she learn long the way?