He’s starting to get on your nerves ain’t he? I know it, sis.
I woke up this morning feeling like Marlin Wayans in that
horrible Netflix film, Naked. Like we’re living the same life, everyday.
What are we gonna do to make life feel like less of the same old song? Let’s talk about it.
I’ma keep it one hundred. If your relationship has gotten stale, it’s one hundred percent within your control to change it.
THIS ARTICLE PROMISES to inform you on…
- What boredom is, and why we get bored in relationships
2. How to keep your relationship fresh when it seems like nothing is happening
WHAT IS BOREDOM AND WHY DO WE “catch” IT WHEN WE’RE AROUND THE SAME PEOPLE FOR EXTENDED PERIODS?
You know what boredom is. Of course you do. You’re scrolling through the gram, or maybe google, looking for something to bring you back to life.
Something to excite you. Anger you. Make you cry, or something. Trust me, I get it. But boredom comes to us for a reason. Especially in relationships.
According to Psychology Today, a few reasons we get bored are
–monotony of the mind
-lack of flow
-need for novelty
Let’s explore these:
Monotony of the Mind, AKA BORING ASS BRAIN
Any experience that is predictable and repetitive becomes boring. Duh. Ain’t nobody tryna be on the hampster wheel doing the same shxt over and over. Or at least if you are on that hampster wheel, you wanna feel like you’re not. Like you’re doing something more fun than that.
Do you see the hints here? Ask yourself, and be honest: are you being predictable or repetitive in your relationship while you’re on lockdown? Or during any other time for that matter?
Do you wear the same hairstyle everyday? Have sex in the same positions? Use the same mugs? Eat the same foods? Feel the same emotions? Watch the same tv? Read the same shit on the internet? Watch the same youtubers? I’m guilty of that last one lol. But to emphasize the point, doing a bunch of the same stuff in the same fashion, automatically births the monotony of the mind.
And as for your man, if he gets used to you looking and acting the same every single day, eventually he’ll tune you out. It’s just how the mind works. You’ll start ignoring him too if he’s predictable.
Lack of Flow, aka WEAK FLOWS
Tasks that are too easy, are boring. Now how might this apply to a relationship? Especially one that is bound to close quarters like when you’re quarantined? It’s simple.
If you two aren’t doing anything together that’s challenging o interesting, you will tire of each other. If you’re laying around eating full bags of Doritos, binging on the same Netflix shows, throwing back shots of whiskey just because you’re depressed and then waking up hungover because you’re too old to be doing that shxt still, or having mindless missionary sex, at some point, y’all gon get tired of that. You need something to challenge you to keep the fire ablaze.
Need for Novelty, aka ADDICTED TO THAT NEW NEW
Novelty. It’s anything that excites you. If you’re an introvert, your need for novelty might be low. However, if you’re an extrovert, you’re at risk of killing your relationship’s fire and you’ve GOT to shake things up during this quarantine if you want to keep your relationship strong through this.
How can you bring novelty in your relationship? Here’s one way: take everything you usually do, and do the opposite. Start from there.
No Emotional Awareness, aka
STEVIE WONDER WITH THE EMOTIONS, aka EMOTIONAL BLINDNESS
Are you blind to your emotions? If you have no awareness of your inner world, aka your feelings and emotions, then you may not even know you’re bored to begin with.
This is dangerous. What can happen if you don’t tune in to yourself, is that you slowly wanna shoot your brains out and then one day you pop off at your man and he’s like what the f*ck?
Long story short, the more you know about what you need internally to feel good in your relationship, the better off you’ll be. Oh, and the more passion you can let in.
NO INNER AMUSEMENT SKILLS
“Ms. I’m bored…”
When I used to teach middle school, kids would tell me this a lot. Wanna know my response? Three words:
STOP BEING BORING.
Sounds too simple, but it’s a real thing. If you don’t know how to excite yourself, at all, then you’re going to always look to your partner to excite you. That’s too much pressure! Know thyself and figure out how to make yourself happy sometimes. He’ll thank you for it.
NO FREE SPACE
Free space, free space, aye! (Drake voice). Okay, I’m done.
What I’m getting at is: Keep your spirit light. What does that mean? It means you don’t need to be under your man just because you’re bound to him during lock down.
When you don’t give your spirit a chance to be light or to experience something new and different, you’ll find that you start nitpicking and sabotaging, because you’re trying to create some excitement.
I know this is true because I do it all the time. I’ll catch myself nitpicking my husband, and once I stop and ask myself why I’m doing it, I realize the problem is I’m just bored and creating conflict just to feel something.
Stop sabotaging. Just take a break and do something that makes you happy. Let him do the same.
PEA-SIZED ATTENTION SPAN
We have baby sized attention spans these days. Shit is always flung at us, like asteroids in space. News, tweets, texts, emails, IG, snaps, tik tok and everything else under the sun…it’s all there for us whenever we want it!
While locked up in quarantine, it can be easy to ignore your partner completely because you’re just giving your attention to all of your apps.
This actually isn’t the worst way to handle quarantine…within reason. When you’re done mashing your face into your phone, you can run and give your honey a hug.
OKAY SO NOW THAT YOU KNOW HOW BOREDOM AND ANNOYANCE CREEPS IN, WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?
STEPS TO KEEP THAT FIRE GOING WITH YOUR MAN WHILE LOCKED UP IN QUARANTINE
I’ve got a three step formula for you:
- BE DIFFERENT
Step 1: Disappear
So let’s start with the first step. Disappear. Become completely unavailable. No, I don’t mean leave the house. You’re on quarantine.
What I mean is, take a break. Whatever it is you like to do that’s unrelated to your man—do that.
Whether it’s read a book, watch a show in a different room, work on your makeup skills, practice your handstands, whatever.
Just find a way to separate yourself.
You may be like Nia, why on earth would I want to run away from my man?
We went over this in all the boredom causes above. I’ve got an answer for you: eventually, he’ll miss you! How can he miss you if you’re always right there giving him all your attention? Think about it.
Do you like when someone is all up in your face all the time? I bet you don’t. Even my toddler likes his alone playtime throughout the day.
Step 2: Reappear
So let’s say you’ve gone ahead and done your own thing for a while. When do you decide to bring yourself back?
Come back when your cup is full. What do I mean? Come back to your man when you’re of pure spirit, and you’re not needing anything from him.
If pure spirit isn’t tangible enough for you, think of it this way. Come out of hiding once you’re happy and ready to add value to your man’s experience.
That could be through loving on him, being playful, preparing a meal for him, stroking his beard, or his bald head if applicable, sitting on his lap, whatever. You know what your man likes and what would surprise and delight him. Do that.
Why? He’ll be drawn to the lightness in your energy. No one likes to be dragged down by someone, especially in these times.
Right now it’s so easy to get stuck in thinking about negativity, your uncertainty about the future, etc.
What a gift it would be for you to be able to come see your man and offer him positivity because you’ve taken care of your mental and emotional bodies.
Step 3: WASH RINSE REPEAT
So you’ll keep this cycle going. When you feel things getting stale between you, and trust me, you’ll feel it. That’s when you disappear and go fill your cup up.
Then, after you’ve filled yourself with new energy, you can come back and share it with him.
Thank you for reading this article through to the end and I hope it’s been helpful.
Have you been enjoying being locked up with your significant other during quarantine? How are things going for you?
Leave a comment!