Is your Big Ego ruining your Relationship?

I doubt it.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with a big ego…problems arise when we lose BALANCE.

Is there anything wrong with being full of yourself?

Honestly, I don’t think there is. Imagine if everyone was full of themselves. Then we’d have an even playing field, right? I like to think so.

What does it even mean to be full of yourself? In my book, it’s not about dismissing everyone, it’s just about loving and caring for yourself enough to make sure that you’re good. What’s so bad bout that?

I’m convinced that the folks who find confident people ”selfish,” are only upset because they WISH they themselves had that level of confidence. But here’s a fun thing I’ve noticed. You ready for it…it’s a really big realization:

HOW YOU TREAT YOURSELF, IS HOW OTHERS TREAT YOU.

I’ll say that again.

HOW YOU TREAT YOURSELF IS HOW YOU WILL BE TREATED, IN A RELTIONSHIP. IT’S A MIRROR.

When it comes to relationships, every issue you have within your individual self, has a chance to be magnified. What does this mean? 

Well, mostly it means that if you haven’t done any inner work, and if you aren’t aware of your personal imbalances, you can bet your bottom dollar that your relationships are gonna show you what they are. And many times it shows up through the EGO WARS!

*don’t make that face, ego is not a dirty word*

We all have ego, and your ego oesn’t disappear just because you’re in a romantic relationship. That’s silly, yall. 

Ego is a fancy word for identity, or self. It’s the part of you that makes you feel unique and different from others. 

WHY DO EGO WARS POP UP IN RELATIONSHIPS?

Short answer: Because a relationship is comprised of two unique, therefore sometimes opposing,  individuals. 

Let’s get into the Long(er) answer: 

Love, by it’s very nature, is a THREAT to the Ego.

Think about it. When you enter a relationship, you are essentially SHARING your ego(your self) with someone. When you have sex, or become an item, you are merging with that person. Becoming one. Therefore, you and this other individual are now a unit. So you, in a sense, become one ego. Love is about unity, after all.

But here’s the thing. You are still a separate person from that individual. You merge in marriage, or sexually, or emotionally, but you don’t literally become one entity. You are still separate beings. This is where things can get tricky if the egos are unchecked.

Let’s be real…Egos are petty AF

It’s easy to fall into competition with your partner, especially today when everybody wants to be the STAR.

So…how can we fix this shxt?

I have a few suggestions…

Practice acceptance of your own and your lover’s ego

You have an ego, and your lover also has an ego. ACCEPT THIS. Sometimes one or both of you will go too far into selfishness. Arguments may ensue. 

But remember, you are both human beings. It’s not inherently bad that you have an ego. The only way it can be bad is if you become unbalanced. Meaning, your ego controls you instead of you controlling it. Examples of this could be neglecting the relationship without explanation. Or maybe giving that thirst trap on IG a little too much attention. Y’all know what I’m sayin. *wink wink*

Accept that both you and your partner are capable of getting off balance. Take responsibility of your own ego trippin(WAY EASIER SAID THAN DONE), and be honest with your partner if you think he’s tripping. We all fall short sometimes, but we can begin again. 

Know your Boundaries—sometimes the ego goes too far…

I have to bring this up with the recent Mr. Jaxn scandal…when it comes to relationship boundaries…you have to know what you are willing to put up with, how much, and for how long

Cheating is usually ego driven, in that you want to have someone else, and still be able to say you have a committed relationship. It’s a have your cake and eat it too type deal.

When it comes to betrayal and other traumatic injuries to a relationship, sometimes you just have to pick up your wounded ego and LEAVE the relationship. But only you can decide what type of things you are willing to put up with.

Get to know your ego triggers. What makes you feel threatened?

Respect yourself enough to KNOW YOURSELF. Learn and master your triggers. Ego triggers are things which push you into self protective mode. For instance, maybe you get really upset if your man touches your special towel. You freak out instinctually, and then it turns into a full blown argument. 

If you take the time to know your ego triggers, you will be more likely to pick your battles in an easier way. 

After an ego flare up…always come back when you cool off

If you want to maintain a healthy relationship with someone, you’re going to have to keep it real with yourself and master your own ego. 

Ego wars can and will happen, even in healthy relationships. The best thing we can do is have compassion for ourselves, and our partner, and come back to the relationship with intent to fix things. 

So what are your thoughts? Do you ego trip a lot? How do you deal with your ego in relationships? What sorts of things trigger you? Personally, I hate feeling like I’m being controlled. Let’s chat! 

Love,

Nia Venus 💋

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